Nightmares.

Just got a news this morning that my friend's boyfriend was involved in an accident and passed away. It is such a horrible news to start a day with. Can't imagine how would it feels to be his loved one.

Nightmares.

Have you ever lost your loved one? Doesn't have to be a human being, just something that you really love and care about. I had, several times already to be honest.
It feels shocking and horrible at the first time, but as time flies you'll realise that there's nothing - not even a single thing - you can do. People come and go. One will be replaced by someone eventually.

The most terrifying one is the lost of my grandpa. He used to live with me in under the same roof. He passed away right when I reached Singapore to study at NAFA. July 4 2013.

Shocked, but heart said "I am already numb."

The worst part was that I wasn't standing next to him when he passed away. My mom texted me saying that "it" happened already. In a blink of an eye. Feels so weird to be back home but to know that there's one person missing - and he won't come back.

And this idea suddenly comes through my head.
What if I'm the one who's gone?
Will anyone cry for me?
Will anyone miss me?
Will anyone plead me to come back?
Or will some just be happy?
Doing their routines as nothing happen?
What if one day my heart is tired, beating for years and years and decided to just......stop?

Never thought of it until this morning. Am I good enough to be accepted by the gate of heaven?